Depending on the location of your church, you are able to see all the people trotting to and from the event. Compared to the location of my last church, jogging super heroes and clowns are a lot easier to explain than the buttless chaps you see at the Folsom Street Fair. If you are unfamiliar with the Folsom Street Fair, just Google it. Not to say there aren’t any bare butts at Bay to Breakers, especially when the sun is out today. But when they are standing in the midst of other costumed people, it’s easier to redirect my kids attention by saying – “Look, it’s a pink gorilla!”

Depending on your presbytery, the job of the moderator can vary. However, we are living in a time when most of our presbyteries are facing some serious challenges: financial, church dismissals, staff restructures, struggling congregations, and more. In many cases, it has required the moderator to do more than just the task of moderating a good meeting. In fact, a moderator’s job is more than ordaining candidates and knowing your Robert’s Rules of Order. There is a vital opportunity to be a part of implementing needed change in your presbytery as a part of leadership.

I am now half way through my moderatorial year in the presbytery of San Francisco. And in the year and a half that I have been in Presbytery leadership, I have seen some significant movement into healthy change in my presbytery – change that I could never imagine possible.

So, here is my version of a Moderator’s Guide to Moderating Presbytery for Dummies:

Be Who You Are

When I first was asked to consider being nominated as Vice Moderator for my presbytery, the first thought that came to my mind was “I don’t know my Robert’s Rules of Order.” First of all, I’m an Associate Pastor so I don’t moderate session all that often and secondly, we use more consensus models of decision-making anyway. Not to mention, I have two children that are fairly young and with my husband involved in presbytery as well, this would mean that I would have to moderate with my kids next to me. I have moderated many meetings with my daughter sitting under the podium.

And while I may not know my Robert’s Rules of Order, there are other assets I bring that is unique to me as a leader: I’m a big picture thinker, creative, a storyteller, collaborative, and I love to bake.

You Only Have a Year

As moderator, you have a limited  amount of time – two years if you count your year as Vice-Moderator. During your Vice-Moderatorial year, think about what your year as moderator could be like, should be like, and want to be like. Choose what you would want to focus on. Make it match what unique skill, gift you have to offer. For me, I knew that if I was going to have to stay for the whole entire meeting that the meeting would have to be one that I would want to be at. No more long hour debates and endless reports. I chose to focus on changing the way our presbytery met. I worked closely with the Meetings Working Group and the planning of worship. At the beginning of the year, I gave plenty of warning and information about moving to a new way of meeting. In May, we began to implement Open Space and gather around tables for discussion before important votes. Here is the video I showed to introduce the upcoming changes:

Have Support

Surround yourself with support, whether it is friends, a spiritual director, or family. You are going to witness and observe behavior from people that will disappoint you, hurt you, frustrate you, and make you shake your head at times. It will wear you down and eat at you if you let it. A month into my year as moderator, I found a small group of leaders in the presbytery that I could confide, commiserate with, and trust. One of the best gifts I received was from the Chair of Council who gave me permission to let go of responsibility to all the weary stuff like gracious dismissal policies so that I could focus my energy on all the positive change that was happening in our presbytery. It also helps to have a fun goal in sight. At the end of my year, I plan to take my family to Disneyland. In the meantime, I eat lots of chocolate.

Know Your Limits

Be aware of what you are realistically capable of handling. The presbytery will take all that you allow yourself to give, leaving you burned out, tired, and a little bitter. Because I began the year knowing what I wanted to focus on, I knew what I would have to give away. All requests for ordinations and installations, I pass on to past moderators. Although those are considered the perks of being a moderator, it still takes extra time and energy that I can not afford to give if I want to spend the time affecting change in other areas.

Network, Network, Network

As moderator, you have an opportunity to meet other moderators and get a sense of what is happening in other presbyteries. In November, I highly recommend you attend the Moderator’s Conference – not only because of its content, but because of the people who are there. Before I attended the conference, I did some research and knew which presbyteries were planning their meetings in different ways. I made sure that I connected with those moderators to learn about their process, experience, and learnings. I use social media to connect with leaders in other presbyteries to share their ideas and innovative ways. It’s also important to remind yourself that you don’t have to know everything – just surround yourself with smart and creative people.

The last few years I have turned Mother’s Day into a day to celebrate all women in the church. Since carnations are affiliated with Mother’s Day, I bought Gerber Daisies instead and had the kids pass them out to all the women in the church during the kids’ time.

Last year, I wrote this blog post about “Living the Resurrection on Mother’s Day,” comparing what it would be like for Mary and mothers to hold grief and joy, death and resurrection at the same time.

I am grateful for my mother and mother-in-law who have sacrificed so much for family and love. I am grateful for good girlfriends who are also aunties to my children and help keep me sane so that I don’t give my kids more reasons to seek therapy in the future. I am thankful for my sister who commiserates and share the ups and downs of life with me. I am thankful for my women mentors who have shown me that I can be a pastor and a mother.

And mostly, I am thankful for women who make this world a better place.

As a pastor/mom/moderator, I try to balance the long meetings with some perks, like new coloring books, games, and snacks. It also doesn’t hurt that this particular meeting, my kids got to taste test the 200 sugar cookie crosses I baked and decorated to hand out to each commissioner.

I feel blessed that both my church and presbytery fully embrace the fact that they called not just me as a pastor or moderator, but the whole family. They have been wonderful in giving my kids space to be themselves as well as give them the attention and support that they need. That gift does not go unnoticed.

My hope for them as they grow up in the church is that it is a positive and enriching experience for them. I pray that they don’t feel the pressure to conform in any way, but feel the freedom to explore in faith, identity, and call and that the church was a nurturing place for them to do that. I pray they never lose the free spirit that they feel at church like this . . . when my baby girl yesterday was dancing on the chancel while the choir practices.

I call myself an accidental leader, not because I don’t feel that I possess the necessary skills, temperament, and experience, but because I came about being a leader quite on accident and not by choice. I think many of us have had that experience sitting in a meeting and it’s time to find a new chairperson. Everyone begins to chant the “Goldilocks and the Three Bears” litany: this person is too new; this person is too old; this person is too busy; this person isn’t reliable . . . and then they look at you and say, “This person is just right.” The problem is it’s a slippery slope once you say “yes” to being chair. Before you know it, you are moderator of the presbytery.

Growing up in a Korean immigrant family, having a CHOICE to be a leader wasn’t really an option:

By Confuscian law, as a woman, I am to defer to the man; as a wife, I am to defer to my husband; as a daughter, I am to defer to my dad; as a young (ish) person, I am defer to anyone older than me. The line of people I am to defer to is so long that clearly a leader like me can only happen by accident.

Christian tradition is no better. As a woman, I am to defer to the man; as a wife, I am to defer to my husband; as a daughter, I am to defer to my parents.

Once I became Presbyterian, I at least found out that my status as a young person ends at the age of 40. So in a year or so, I can at least cross that off my list and venture into the land of older folk.

I get why laws and traditions like these are set. Without having to dive into issues of sexism, ageism, and all the other -isms, at some level, these structures puts in place order and puts boundaries on chaos. But for me, being a leader isn’t about the experience, age, gender, and ability to tame chaos and evoke order. It’s about knowing when to listen and when to talk; having the courage to make a decision even if it’s unpopular; being an agent of change; exposing people to a different way to do something; saying sorry when you’re wrong and extending grace when you are right; taking risks for the possibilities of what could be; and keeping a pulse on the movement of the spirit and the people you lead.

So maybe it’s okay that we may accidentally fall into places of leadership or that leaders are found by the one who is most willing. Some great leaders have been found that way. I, myself, am grateful for the mentors, teachers, pastors, friends, and acquaintances who saw something in me that hadn’t quite blossomed yet and gave me an image and an example to shape my leadership style around.

How did you become a leader? By accident? By acknowledgment?

Turns out that I didn’t need my baby girl to deliver any unexpected distractions. I was pretty good at doing it myself. Who put the wrong season and date on the bulletin? What? It’s not the season of Lent or March 11? Oops! Good thing I already made hundreds of copies of the bulletin. For some reason, the perfectionist in me wasn’t bothered because I was wearing new shoes. It may seem shallow, but it’s amazing how something like new shoes can make you feel better about yourself . . . which actually was the main point of my sermon. Not shoes, but that we are enough . . . that God loves us just as we are and that we are worthy of God’s compassion and forgiveness.

I recently had to write a blog about motherhood mantras: those sayings we say to ourselves as mothers to get through they day. My mantra is “It’s good enough.” In many ways, by accepting that “it’s good enough” what I’m really accepting is that I’m good enough.

It’s not easy as a mother to accept that. It’s not easy for anyone to accept that we are enough. My hope is that if I keep saying it to myself, it will be easier to believe. I have to say, the new shoes help.

I always wanted to be a mother. But becoming a mother was not an easy road for me. Although I was healthy and young, it took a good 3 years to get pregnant with my first son. After months and months of testing, praying, and wasted pregnancy tests, I had to ask myself how bad do I want to be a mother. How many dollars am I willing to spend? How much am I willing to put my body through? How much am I willing to put my marriage through? And I came to terms with believing “it is good enough.”

My life “is good enough” if I am not able to have a baby. For many, the mantra “it’s good enough” sounds like it is settling or giving up. For me, it was a ticket to freedom – free to not live with expectations beyond my control; free to let go of what I want and be open to what God wants; free to embrace the possibilities that I wouldn’t have given the time of day. It’s good enough. That freedom must have affected my body because before I knew it, I was pregnant with my son.

A couple years later, my husband and I tried again. This time I had the opposite problem. I could easily get pregnant as if it were a contagious disease, but I was never able to carry to term. In 2007, I was pregnant three times and miscarried twice. I’ll never forget my first miscarriage. I was twelve weeks pregnant when I found out, but the doctor said that I may have miscarried as early as nine weeks. I instantly thought of my mother-in-law who had suffered through thirteen miscarriages. I could barely get through this one let alone thirteen. The odd thing was that deep down inside, I think I knew all along that something was wrong but didn’t want to believe it.

In my ninth week of pregnancy, I had the most vivid dream. My family and I were vacationing in a cabin. While my son and I were hanging out in the backyard, a black panther appeared and began to circle around us. I screamed for my husband to save us, but he couldn’t come. That dream haunted me for months after I found out I miscarried.

After several months had past and I had experienced another miscarriage, I decided to see a therapist for a completely different reason than the miscarriages. But somehow that dream entered into our conversation. After telling her about the dream, she asked me to close my eyes and have a conversation with the panther. Are you kidding me? Talk to the panther? I decided to humor her. The conversation went something like this:

Therapist: “What would you like to say to the panther?”

Me: “Uh, how are you doing panther?”

Therapist: “What did the panther say?”

Me: “The panther is fine.”

Therapist: “What else would you like to ask?”

Me: “Why are you circling us?”

Therapist: “Why is he?”

Me: “He wants my son.”

Therapist: “Why?”

Me: “To protect him.”

Therapist: “From what?”

Me: (long pause) “From me.” (lots of crying)

What started as a stupid exercise ended up being something completely revelatory. I was unaware of how much I was holding onto my son. Whenever he cried, my insides would turn inside out. If he got hurt, it felt as if I got hurt. Somewhere along the way, I forgot my mantra that “it’s good enough.” If I was to never get pregnant again, it’s okay. “It’s good enough.” A couple weeks later, I got pregnant with my daughter.

And now that mantra sticks with me as I try to be the best parent I can be. I don’t have to be perfect. They don’t have to be perfect. “It’s good enough.” I do not believe that letting go of the idea of having children is what made me able to have children. My children are absolute gifts to me. I do believe that by believing “it’s good enough” gave me the opportunity to see what I truly value in life and be open to the unexpected. It takes the pressure off me to live by a standard that is impossible to meet or just plain unreasonable. It helps me embrace the moment just as it is and accept my kids for just who God created them to be.

So the next time my baby girl refuses to go to bed or I step on another Lego piece that my son left on the floor, I will chant with all the patience in the world, “It’s good enough.”

Depending on how you define the word “switch,” it requires a movement, a shift of some sort. I have been a pastor in an urban city for the past eight years. I have been involved in my presbytery (a geographical grouping of Presbyterian churches) for a very long time. And I have seen many congregations and pastors go through many switches: switching of gears, focus, perspective, power, sense of call, buildings, and even congregations.

The act of “switching” can be a difficult one because more often than not it involves change. I don’t know many congregations that are willingly open to just changing for the heck of it. Usually it comes out of necessity or crisis. But no matter where it stems from, “switching” can be a good thing. It can be life-giving, energy-renewing, and most of all surprising.

In this blog, I will share my experience of how churches in San Francisco are making the switch in hopes that you will feel invited to reflect and share your own stories of ministry and “switches” that you have or are making. On Wednesday, Abby King Kaiser, pastor at Fruitvale Presbyterian Church in Oakland, CA and Erika Funk, Youth Minister at Broad Street Ministry in Philadelphia, PA will share their own personal stories of “making the switch” in their own ministry and context.

I live in the city of San Francisco that has twenty-two Presbyterian congregations. And like many churches, these churches are not without struggle and challenges, whether it be finances, building, decline in membership, and changing neighborhoods. I have scene the act of “switching” take many forms. A church my husband pastors used to be a mostly white congregation back in its heyday when they had 500 youth in their youth program. However, with changes in the public school system, families fled the city and left this congregation to struggle as a viable ministry. This church had a nesting Taiwanese congregation and with their growing membership, the mostly white congregation decided to make the switch and handed over the building to the Taiwanese-speaking congregation. Now thirty years later and the decrease in numbers of those emigrating from Taiwan, the congregation is considering another kind of switch.

My own church made the switch too. When I first was hired, their outreach focus was on attracting the growing Chinese-American families in the neighborhood. This mostly white congregation thought it may help to hire an Asian-American pastor to live out that plan. As the congregation reflected more on what it would require a mostly white congregation to do in order to attract a culture different from themselves, we switched gears and focused on making the necessary changes to welcome any family to our church. By making our worship space more family-friendly, this 160 member church grew from having 10 kids in 2004 to 95 kids today.

Making any type of switch is good when there are positive results. But the truth many churches make many switches that don’t result in much, except depleted resources, energy, time, and passion. If you look at the twenty-two existing Presbyterian churches in San Francisco, it may be easy to judge that there aren’t many vibrant congregations among us. It was this initial judgment that brought a few of us pastors to address this situation. To be honest, at first, the discussion centered around “what do we do with all these dying churches?” Although it is a valid question, the problem is answering it. What constitutes a dying church? Is it merely decline in membership, lack of finances, lack of ministry? By whose value system does one measure the healthiness of these congregations?

The true answer lied in the fact that we were asking the wrong question. No matter if a congregation is viable or not, all churches should be considering what legacy they are living into and how they are living out that legacy. For the past year and a half, we have been hosting a gathering, where all 22 churches were invited to bring a pastor and/or elders to begin building relationships and discovering ways to partner and collaborate. At our first gathering, what was touching to hear was how parishioners referred to their church as family.

This moved us to switch our perspective from being 22 individual congregations to being one church with 22 missional outposts. How different would we be and do church if we viewed ourselves as missionaries in our particular neighborhoods? For one, we would consider 22 PCUSA churches in a 7 x 7 mile city not as too many but as not enough. We would imagine the many neighborhoods where ministry is possible. We would stop judging each other as who is viable and who is not and see each other for what we uniquely offer. We would no longer feel like we have to do it all, but how we could partner and share.

So, this is what we came up with as way to begin switching our focus, our perspective, our mission:

Missional Legacy

For congregations who are discerning their viability and want to process the legacy they wish to leave, have a discernment team to walk with them and access resources for them. Empower congregations to close on their own terms as much as possible and have a say in how they want their resources, building, and ministry to live on.

Missional Church Development

For congregations who don’t have the financial resources for a full-time pastor and still have the energy to do “something,” have them be a training post for seminarians or recent graduates.

Providing hands-on opportunities for seminarians and recent graduates to plan worship, preach regularly, and experience the joys and struggles of working in a parish is a gift that these churches can offer. In return, they will have some stability in having someone provide pastoral care and leading worship. Local veteran pastors can provide support, guidance, and whatever is needed to cover internship requirements for the seminarian or recent graduate.

Missional Initiatives

For congregations (especially racial ethnic or smaller congregations) who struggle to find the skilled leadership, have lay leaders trained and skilled to provide leadership in their particular context.

The Presbytery of San Francisco transformed a church building that is no longer in use into an Education Center for Commissioned Lay Leaders. They will provide classes in Korean, Mandarin, and Spanish.

Missional Collaboratives

For congregations who want to partner around different issues and ministries, provide opportunities for these churches to gather, plan, brainstorm, and collaborate.

Some of the ideas that came out of the gathering were forming a city-wide youth group, address housing and homelessness issues, how to welcome interfaith families, nursing home ministry, and how to reach the “unchurched.”

One of the next steps is gathering some of the pastors and elders at the last gathering to brainstorm ways that we can connect with each other. Some ideas are to have a Pulpit Switch day. What if someone from every church agreed to switch and preach at a different church? Another idea is to have a Sunday where all twenty-two churches worship in one place. I don’t know if any of these ideas are possible, but it is fun to dream of ways we can actually get to know each other and see each other’s church in action.

Making the switch can be difficult, but it can also help us see life where we only saw death. It can help us see possibilities where we only saw obstacles. It can help us see surprising ways where God is leading us.

How is your congregation making the switch? What is your story?

As a woman, it is always a challenge to find the appropriate attire – one that is professional, yet comfortable; attractive, yet not too revealing. As a female pastor, I have gotten used to being scrutinized over what I wear, whether it is a compliment or a critique. The challenge came when I become a mother as well. If I wore something that needed dry cleaning, I was always concerned that my children’s sticky hands would get all over it. I couldn’t wear heels that were too high, just in case I needed to go into a full out sprint when my daughter darted out the front church doors. I tried to wear separates so that if I didn’t escape the chocolate stained hands at least I wouldn’t have to wash the whole outfit. And don’t get me started on the hair.

As my children got older, the challenges of my choice in attire reached a whole new level. Living in a city where church attendance is less than 10% means that most events take place on Sundays: marathons, festivals, birthday parties, and school events. This means that my parishioners often have to choose between going to church or a school function and birthday party. This is particularly difficult for me because it is not a choice for me. On days such as those, I try and dart away as soon as church is over so that my son can at least show up in time for the main event or the birthday cake.

Today was no different. My son had a birthday party to go to – at the beach no less. With no time to spare, I had to figure out what to wear to church today. That’s when it hit me – business in the front and party in the back or in my case, business on top and casual on the bottom. Do  I do the suit jacket with jeans? The urban hip look. Do I do a blouse with a casual skirt? That’s beachy cool.

In the end, it didn’t matter. The San Francisco fog rolled in and I had to go home anyway to change into a sweater and scarf.

Typically, the Sunday after Easter, my church sets up interactive prayer stations. After the hoopla of Easter service with trumpets and all the festivities, we center this service on reflection, prayer, and contemplation on the meaning of Easter in our faith journey and in our lives.

Below are ideas for interactive prayer stations focusing on the meaning of Easter and the empty tomb. The interactive prayer stations are meant to be intergenerational. There are also stations designed for ages 2-4 and K-5th grade. (For more specific instructions on layout, purpose, design, and more ideas, you can view previous posts tagged under “Interactive Prayer Stations.”) You can see more pictures of these prayer stations here.

Interactive Prayer Station #1: Connect

Materials: Big poster board, paint brushes, water colors

Every story is unique and blends with others’ stories, making a super-narrative of God’s household story. How does your story connect with another’s? Use symbols to tell your story by drawing a joy, a fear, a gift of faith and an expression of love, as you encounter the reality of Jesus. Let your love-expressing story interrelate with the lives and expressions of others, as you paint.

take time to let this settle into you now . . . invite God to connect this for you.

Interactive Prayer Station #2: Reflect

Materials: Pencils, Books, Paper

I have a story to tell, Jesus accepts my story no matter how it is formed and how I tell it – Briefly tell your story, write the outline of your story; perhaps noting your first encounter with Jesus, how did you first sense his presence, where do your sense Jesus is standing today in proximity to you? Then take this home as a bookmark.

allow this to become part of you now . . . invite God to add this to your faith journey.

Interactive Prayer Station #3: Act

Materials: Bowls of ice, Candle frozen in Ice, Glass Blocks, Towels

The life Jesus led, leads us back into reality, challenge and risk. It would be easier to stay huddled together in a warm room, wondering and disengaged, but let your heart melt for others. Take a piece of ice and hold it long enough in your hand to feel it dissolve, as a reminder of those areas in your life where hardness keeps you from sharing Jesus’ presence with others, pain makes you lose hope and coldness makes it hard to share God’s love with others. As it melts away, as your heart melts in the warmth of Jesus’ presence and pray for your desire to make his presence known to others, invite God to show you where your story gives opportunity for others to experience the real presence of Jesus.

reflect on the significance of this now . . . invite God to weave this into your journey.

Interactive Prayer Stations for Toddlers and Kids:

The chancel area was turned into an empty tomb to house the interactive prayer stations. The stations were centered on the five senses. As Thomas needed to touch Jesus, the stations provide an opportunity to engage in the story through their senses.

Activity one: Smell the story of Easter. Easter Lily is a symbol of Easter. Nard is a perfume used to anoint Jesus. Lavender is also used to anoint and prepare Jesus’ body for the tomb. Olive trees were many in the Garden of Gethsemane where Jesus prayed.

Materials: Easter lily, Lavender plant, Nard, Olive oil

Activity two: 1) Take a graham cracker and spread frosting; 2) stick the donut “tomb” on the cracker; 3) untwist the oreo and use the icing side to stick to the donut as “rock” rolled away from the tomb; 4) sprinkle the grass on the rest of frosting; 5) stick a “He Is Risen” banner in the donut.

Materials: Small plates, Bowls, Knives, Graham Crackers, Mini Chocolate Donuts with bottoms cut off, Mini Oreos, Green Sprinkles, White Frosting, “He Is Risen” Banners, Instructions (Idea came from this website)

Activity three: For K-5th grade: Use the puppets to re-enact the resurrection scene of Jesus. For ages 2-4: Use the figurines to tell the story of the women seeing the empty tomb. What did they feel? What happened?

Materials: “He Lives” Easter Figures, Puppets

Activity four: 1) choose a stone; 2) For K-5th grade, choose a picture and cut it out. For ages 2-4, choose a sticker (skip to step 5); 3) put some modge podge on the stone and place the picture on it, pressing it on the stone; 4) using a sponge brush, dab modge podge over the picture to seal it; 5) use the story stone to remember Jesus.

Materials: Modge Podge, sponge brushes, Bowl, Scissors, Rocks, Stickers, Images of Easter themes, Instructions (Idea came from this website)

Activity five: Take a moment to listen to the music and the singing. What do you hear? How does it make you feel?

Materials: Pillows

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